Every Day Battles

You think I don’t want to be over this? I do. I want to move on and stop whining and annoying everyone. I want to finally have closure and have my sanity back.

But there’s also this part of me I can’t manage to turn off. That part of me passionately believes we have this crazy, undeniable connection.

I used to be able to maintain the longing at a lower level, so that it was barely a hum in my every day noise, but he reawakened me. I remember how just his friendship lit me up, how high I could get off it. I can only imagine taking it to a deeper level would be magical. Something I would lose myself in, if I haven’t already.

At times what’s left of me takes a difficult breath, knowing what’s not there. I feel the loss of him and the future we could of had. I pathetically ache with the pain of it. I want it to be gone but I can’t let go of the ‘What If’.

What if he changes his mind, realizes the value of what we have, and I’m not there? Could I forgive myself for letting go?

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Quotes {2}

Ultimately his loyalty was to her. She understood that, but yet some silly part of her still thought he might choose her, for once.


 

You either need to stop lying to yourself or stop leading me on. I know that I’m deceiving myself about us, but you feed the delusion too.


You’ve made your bed, go lay in it. Stop leaning out of it half way, looking over and asking me, “What’s up?”


That’s why it hurts. Because I gave him all of me, the barest parts of my soul, and he still said, “No, thanks, I’ll take the one on the left instead.”


What ever happened to apologizing when you’ve done something wrong? People are so caught up in their egos and being right that they can’t admit their mistakes or flaws.


I’d rather be true than false.


Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.